Q: My husband and I have been married for 5 years — together for 7. For years I’ve heard what a bitch his ex is. Their daughter recently graduated and wanted to spend her first Thanksgiving after college with her parents, me included. I thought spending the holiday with the ex was a little much, so I suggested we all go out for dinner the following Friday. I dreaded the evening, but I was determined to be pleasant for my bonus daughter’s sake. I told my husband we should treat his ex politely, on a business level, and he agreed. Well, all through dinner I witnessed possibly the most intimate exchange of “remember whens” you could imagine. The clincher was when my husband stopped in the middle of ordering and asked his ex if he liked the suggested entree! I was horrified. He thinks I’m being unreasonable for being angry. What do you think? What’s good ex-etiquette? A: I think it sounds like your husband got caught up in the moment and temporarily lost his mind. There’s more … An unwritten rule of good ex-etiquette is “Don’t discuss past intimacies with your ex,” it stirs up emotions that could get you into trouble — and there’s a post script — “especially in front of a new partner!” Intimacies are more than talking about sex … that’s a given. Intimacies are also attitudes or remarks that could possibly make someone participating in the conversation uncomfortable — and listening while exes discuss the good ’ol days can certainly make a new partner cringe. If the goal is to get along for the sake of the children, you leave the “remember whens” in the past and put your emphasis on the present and future. I have to say, your idea to celebrate the Friday after Thanksgiving was perfect. It wasn’t the exact holiday with all the tradition and emotion, it was a day around the same time with a little less significance. It allowed your family to have your private celebration, plus honor your bonus daughter’s wishes. That’s good ex-etiquette. It’s also good ex-etiquette to approach interaction with the ex in a business-like manner. Your husband knew that and agreed to it. That’s why I think he just got swept up in the moment. Sometimes it feels good to let down your guard